By Shaunti Feldhahn
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Additional info for 1590523172.(N)
Hearing disrespect Not long ago, I was asking Jeff and one of his married colleagues about the dynamic of men wanting to do things for themselves. This man said, “Sometimes, if something breaks in the house, I want to try to take a crack at it before I call an expert. If my wife says, ‘Well, you’re really not a fix-it–type person,’ I feel so insulted. ” This man’s wife is one of my closest friends, and I know that she respects her husband and would never intentionally disparage him. So it was eye-opening to hear that what was (to her) an offhand remark was something he took extremely seriously—and, if I may delicately say so, extremely wrong.
But since the theme is the inner lives of men and my space is limited, I’m focusing entirely on how we relate to men, not the other way around. ) • Third, recognize that there are always exceptions to every rule. When I say that “most men” appear to think a certain way, realize that “most” means exactly that—most, not all. I’m making generalizations out of necessity, and inevitably there will be exceptions. One reason I did the professional survey was to determine what was an exception and what was normal.
More than one-third of these men took that reminder as nagging or as an accusation of laziness or mistrust. Several months ago, I met with my friend and book agent Calvin Edwards at Starbucks to start designing the original survey questions. When we saw a local pastor Calvin knew, I ran the “kitchen wall” question by him and asked what would go through his mind. Consider his illuminating response: Pastor: “I’m irritated because I have to be reminded. ” Calvin: “Why is that a problem? ” Pastor: “Inherent in her reminder is a statement of disappointment.
1590523172.(N) by Shaunti Feldhahn